She's alive!

sorry o, my peeps i've been quite busy!

what is it with all dem people getting married by the droves this year?
between the save the dates, engagement annoucements,and actual invitations, we have amassed quite a stack.

still on weddings, a good friend as opposed to a bad one is getting married in a couple of weeks, so, madam prego and i went to her bridal shower.
from my previous experiences,(i have been to quite a number of dem o) bridal showers were always an all girls affairs. am i wrong?

so, u can imagine my surprise to see a handful of guys at this shower.
all the games went very well despite the presence of the guys until the over sabi ditzy chief bridesmaid (yup, how did u know?)noticed the guys weren't included in the games and decided to include them.

bride showered with lingeries she will never wear, some two sizes too small, some just simply ridiculous, some belonging in a torture chamber or better yet,a house of horror, some clearly not meant to be worn by any sane female.
can someone please educate me on what purpose handcuffs, whips, leashes,studded gloves and metal collars have to do with making love?

anywhos, a few sensible gifts here and there, foods, drinks and more silly games and it was all over.(thank goodness)

i drop off madam prego and head to mr my1's house as ordered.(oh yeah, i take orders from him now o. since when? since we had "the couple's goals and refle wateva talk. that is a post all by itself)

just as i let myself into his house with his key, my key?(wateva)and feeling really pleased with myself for finally remembering to put it in my bag for once, my phone rings.(no name and an unknown#)pick up to hear a male voice.

him:hello Sherri

me:who is this?

him: u forgot me already?(with a laugh)

me:who is this again? getting annoyed)

him:u were playing games with me not too long ago

me:(one of the guys at the bridal shower) sorry,i didn't quite catch ur name

him: i didn't throw it

me:(roll eyes) look, am just trying to be polite here. who are u ?

by now, mr my1 has one brow raised(mouthing whos's that?)as i shrugged

him:the one u gave ur # to

me:u are def calling a wrong #

him:there was another sherri there?

me:obviously

him:am just playing, am dj, the bride gave me ur # am her brother(recalling his face)

me:oh!(wondering why she wud, knowing fully well i have a man)

him:oh?

me:can i ask why?

him:why am calling or why she gave me ur phone#?

me:both

him:cos i want to talk to u and as per naija style i pulled the right strings

me(now irritated)did she happen to mention that i have a boyfie?

him:oh yeah, i know u have a bf of almost two years

me:(letting my guard down) so kilo happen?

him:ko si much, wud u have dinner with me tommorrow?

me:?

him:i like u and wud like to know u better

me:u know i have someone, right?

him:someone for almost two years and no ring? at ur age?

me:(annoyed)at my age? wth! is that supposed to mean?

him:don't kid urself, u shud be in a serious relationship by now

me:i see, and u are offering that serious relationship right?

him:u never know

me:(laughing)i'll take my chances with my unserious guy.take care.(click)
i turned to face a bemused mr my1.(i was not amused)

i realized how much i have mellowed, what ever happened to that spitfire sherri? i bet she wud have told him off after the first word out of his runny mouth, wud he have even dared call? i miss her lots.

wait! i feel her coming back!(alright!) i roll my shoulders ready to lunge at mr my1, at any provocative word(yes, any word, even my name!)

he must have sensed her presence, cos he just drew me close with that trademark twinkle in his eyes and said, barely above a whisper "i take it there were guys at the shower eh? oya, come explain urself o "

i explained alright, i just spared the words. lol


ps:i will post my rant on the ring issue later

Celebrating homeboy Osi Umeyiora and the Giants

no doubt about it that was the best superbowl game ever!
and my boys played their hearts and cute butts off!(enhanced by lycra of course)
big ups for homeboy Osi,he did us proud o
too bad he's too young, if he was just three years older, mr my1 would have a major problem on his hands for sure.lol

for obvious reasons, i couldn't wait for the day to end.
as i headed home drained, all i wanted was a long bath and my bed (decided to skip the church service)

i need to confess, i wasn't in turmoil over just the two events of the day,
the two women's dilemma brought back some unpleasant perhaps repressed memories.

exactly 5 years 2 months and 18 days ago, i was in the same position, my reaction was not anything like my reaction today.

the event
one of my girls,(she knows am writing about this) had gotten pregnant by a "hit and run" just 23years old without a meaningful job or income opted for abortion.
Saying i came down hard on her would be really putting it mildly! (i was a baby christian at the time) i refused to be a part of it, i pointed out all the other options available, i even offered her financial assistance, i didn't speak to her for two weeks.

i remember that day very vividly, it was sista Roli's 35th bday (that was the only day the particular clinic did the procedure)
we had all prearranged months prior to take her out since she didn't want any "noise"

not knowing she had the procedure done that day or what the recovery process was, i arrived at sista Roli's house dressed and ready to go out, only to meet five solemn faces.
when i found out she had the abortion that day, i was livid! she chose the day knowing well it was sister Roli's bday and boy, was i ready to tell her how selfish she was.
i asked to see her in sister Roli's room, sister Roli begged me to leave her alone but no, i insisted, it must have taken her like 5 minutes to get up but i wasn't deterred.

once in the room, let's just say, i said a whole load of crap, she didn't say a word! she just sat there looking at me with the saddest eyes (she was sitting cos she was too weak to stand) i yapped and yapped and yet she just sat there staring as if not seeing (she's not the kind not to fight back)
still not satisfied, i made to take my tantrum to the others, i turned to take one last look at her and i guess say more crap, she was now in a heap on the floor sobbing quietly...

my heart broke into a million pieces at the sight of my feisty childhood friend curled up into a ball weeping uncontrollably, as i stood rooted to the spot, she started to howl much like a wounded animal..

hours later all six of us laid on the floor in that darkened bedroom exhausted from crying.

we try not to remember the crying fest that was sister Roli's bday party...(no noise, just an ocean of tears)




*****************************************************************************
so u can understand my state of mind.

reluctantly i accepted Mr my1's offer to bring dinner and hang out for a little while.
knowing how i love to eat,he watched in silence as i played with the food, he tried to make jokes, made a comment about my not having music blasting as usual.(wareva)

as much as i didn't want to talk about it then i knew he wouldn't leave unless i did, so i told him about the events of the day.( i couldn't tell him about my girls 's past)

his eyes narrowed,(i was so not prepared for what was coming)and his mouth opened and closed for what seemed like an eternity..

basically, he was surprised i didn't try to persuade her(little sister) to have the baby, how he thinks she obviously came to me for direction seeing that she didn't come to me the fist time, and how it was not just her decision alone, if the father wanted her to keep the child she shud def keep it.(i asked,does wanting mean the same as will be responsible for? to his annoyance)
he wanted to know if i wud kill his child(o yes,i told him,i didn't know he had a child to more vexation)

he went on to complain about how he was not happy i spent the first weekend of the year with my girls(yes o, we went away to the mountain top) how we have not had "the couple's reflection and plans" for the new year (there is such a thing?)blah blah..

all i had was a rueful smile on my lips, i had no fight in me at all.
he finally left in a huff to my relief.(he later called to apologise and we talked long into the night)

i wish he'd known that, us girls had to go away that weekend because over the Christmas holidays we realized our lives are changing rather rapidly and will def never be able to get away together as usual for a long time.
why? despite three out of the five being married, we were still able to get away together at least twice a year, but now, with a child on the way, we had to accept the inevitable.

yes o, my girl is expecting her first baby! and i get a chance to redeem myself,(yes, am still paying)i have resolved to be there for her every step of the way.(her poor husband has accepted his fate)

all in day!

a tap on the door, looked up,it's my lovely 22 year old little sister!(my sister by nomination)
i flash her a smile, motions her to come in and take a seat while i grid/update a file.
she walks into my office and she closed the door,(the girl does not know the word privacy! so i knew it had to be really good or very bad)

she smiled as she takes a seat

me: what's up?
her:i have something to tell u
me:okayyy

her: u re going to be very disappointed in me, i am so sorry to let u down...(sobbing)
me:what did u do now?( deciding not to make any assumptions)
her:i am pregnant..
me: no!(looking at her in disbelief,i would never have guessed that)
her:this is the second time
me:crum!(trying to compose myself)what are u going to do?

her:i know what u 're going say! it's a sin to kill God's gift and all that, but there's no other choice! i can't have this baby! there goes all my dreams of graduating next year,owning my own house, driving the car of my dreams before i turn 28!... like u... u are so wrong! wrong! wrong! am so so stupid!...

me:calm down(now on her side with a box of tissue and hugging her)
u thought i was going to judge u? cos am a christian? u def don't know me at all.(shaking head )

her:i have heard u say women should be tested for mental illness,given competency tests before licensing them to have children!
me:exactly! u my dear, would have flunked nicely! u def don't want to know what i think shud be done to adults who engage in unprotected sex!just kidding!
look, u know i care very deeply about u, i still think u 're bright and the sky is ur limit. i respect ur choice. it is ur choice u know?.
her:i feel very badly, but there's no other way..
me:what does he say?
her:am not telling him this time, the last time he cried and begged me to keep it!
me:aw www!
her:u think i shod tell him?
me:it's ur choice. u know how i feel about keeping secrets and lying, it takes too much energy to maintain a lie and it always ends up biting u in the butt.
her:he's going to make it more difficult for me
me:do u hear urself? he's not the one carrying the child and he's partially to blame
her:thanks, i 'll keep u posted.
me:if u need me for anything, just ask
her:babysitting?(smiling sadly)
me:neh gah tive! i don't think so!

i hug her tight.
she leaves to face her day and me mine in a state of turmoil..

about two hours later,
a tap, i look up, it's another sister.
this one is beaming with joy! she announces she's pregnant with her first baby after just five months of marriage.
as i hug her, my eyes brims with tears, of joy for one and sadness for another.


think it's over?

Happy new fabulous year!

i rocked to this song at my bday party in november along with lagbaja's konko below and skentele and some hindu and latin rap songs.

since the party i have received numerous requests for this song "premier gau and lagbaja,s two by my oyinbo friends and colleagues(they also love "fayla kutee"){fela kuti}

what a sexy song!
such a shame we don't appreciate our african artists as we should.....

btw, there's another video of the song shot on location in london but, i prefer the african location o

ranting about polygamy

polygamy was successfully practiced world wide mainly for agricultural reasons. some other reasons were, to increase the chance of a surviving heir, economic and some other reasons mentioned by other commenter's.

my view
while not an advocate or supporter of polygamy, i strongly resent the hypocrisy of the west against polygamy.

at a lavish graduation party of three children of a prominent yoruba king last year seated with some oyinbo and Caribbean friends who had a field day expressing their shock and disgust about the acceptance of the practice, the kicker was the presence of another yoruba monarch with his three radiantly happy oloris wearing the same attire(one of them happens to be a friend of my mom)
anyhow,i held my tongue for as long as i could, but they were relentless!
u see there's a reason for my madness, here's a woman(the Caribbean) who's "baby father" is also baby father to two other women(that we know of)and from the looks of it, is still getting benefits from his baby mamas,the oyinbo girl is thrice divorced and now shacking with another dude, the other even tho he's male and married has never said anything positive about his marriage or his wife (he sees nothing wrong in being a"john")
so, i asked each one of them how what they are practicing is different from polygamy? or how it's better?
my African American friends had long ago accepted that the baby mama and baby daddy lifestyle rampant within their community is indeed a form of polygamy.

my point?
(i do have one)
i agree that ,the practice is outdated and no longer relevant for today, however, we need to understand that it served a purpose and is a foundation for today's monogamous marriages.
from my conversations with two women i have the utmost respect for who are in polygamous marriages, i gathered, that being strong, career driven and opinionated are detrimental to a naija woman's chance of finding a husband, because society dictates that men are superior and thereby need to have a woman that can reinforce this(that defies logic no be small! i would expect they would feel manly sparing with a bright and articulate mind)
after marrying their "ideal woman" and not finding the companionship/fulfilment/challenge that they crave, resort to playing around or polygamy to satisfy the crave.

one of the women insists it's a way for women to have their cake and eat it too.(not sure i subscribe) but i can plainly see that she's independent and in control of her life and she's truly happy even tho it's with a quarter of a husband (my opinion) maybe that's all that's needed.

the bottom line is we should appreciate and embrace our heritage and let it evolve to meet the needs of the present rather than accept the west's definition as the ideal (please! u don't want me going there!)


this was a comment i left on a post about polygamy on solomosydelle,s blog

Christmas romantic?

Christmas has always been very a festive season as far back as i can remember, but never ever been romantic.

since becoming an adult,i basically just go thru the motion of the season, not quite sure if it's the fact that i know it's unlikely to be the actual birth month of Jesus or it's proximity to the end of the year,or the commercialization of the season itself, it all just make me reflective and very melancholic.

but this year is very different, my1 and i went to all the usual Christmas/holiday parties just like last year but this year, i felt at home in the company of his friends and coworkers, i didn't get irritated to be part of a couple. i actually caught his bug (he loves Christmas, he insists it's a more romantic season than valentine) as we danced at the various parties he pointed out the love and romance in all the songs that i never paid any attention to before.

songs like mariah Carey's version of "all i want for Christmas is u" or boyz2men's "let it snow" or "it won't be christmas without u" or "i miss u most on Christmas time" or my favorite, CB's "this Christmas"

it was especially cute when he called one night during a snow storm singing "i don't care what the weather maybe, as long as u're here with me..
and when i asked what he wanted for Christmas, he broke into a song " babe, all i want for Christmas is uuuuuuu...

for the first time i helped him shop for gifts for his co workers, we decorated his house and mine together we even put up a tree! even tho i still don't get the significance of it.( it was fun putting the mistletoe to the test.. lol)

what is the problem?
the truth is, a couple of years ago i would have considered all these mushy and corny, the fact that i find them romantic now makes me wonder if im getting mellow in my old age o

anywhos,
i wish each and every one of u a merry Christmas may u all enjoy the beauty and romance of the season of the birth of our lord and savior