o happy day!

Happy buffday to me!

gonna party like it's 1999!!

The eagle has landed

Just randomly gisting my mum about the party planner from hell (u know who u are)
who has been tirelessly planning my bday party with such gusto!(who send me?)na so we finished gisting, hang up, end of tori?
two days later, mom calls to informed me she was coming! (who send am invitation?)
i tried to dissuade her,(weather, too busy,gets dark earlier...)she no gree
she insisted she wants to be with me (her baby) for my bday(since when?)

amid the madness, i managed to have the house cleaned and momproofed,stocked up on her fav fruits and veggies..
it's been two days and my once tranquil and peaceful home has been bursling non stop!
naija people calling at odd hours(they don't know time diff?)

the funny part is mom won't pick up the phone, (yes o, u guessed it)i get to speak to everybody and their mother..
every conversation ends with: igba wo lo ma marry? (when are u getting married)
most of the time, i just hand the phone to mom.
and every time she gives the same answer "eh, o ma ko ko marry o"(she refused to get married) lol

Anyhos, the real gist is her conversations with her friends.(prereq: understanding yoruba)
it's real hilarious hearing the old folks talking about sex (yes o, they do)

when she asked one friend about a certain man,she replied" a ma jo yun rawa lehin ni o, eyin de ti hurun o, iyari logbeni nwa ka. ore, oyinbo nse kan! yehin yehin orisirisi ma kun oja. lalai foju fena.

they also gisted about another lady married to some rich man and was having her bush trimmed and whacked by the gardener in the uk(feel free to draw ur own conclusion)

and then there was the judge who was benching prosecutor o, defense counsel o. plaintiff o, gbogbo won awo po.(contempt in court)


on another note:
i pray God delivers me from this planner from hell.
have u heard of a celebrant not having any say about the guests to her own throwdown?

i have tried everything, and now, i resort to begging and grovelling:
abeg ur royal prettiness and ubber fabulousness, i ur humble subject begs u, implore u(dico is on fire!) please don't cause katakata o,
please don't and if u have, please disinvite golden boy o
i know how u pride ur self as a classy babe (that is def not classy,rather cheesy and downright low) may i add mean and wicked ala ursula?

not quite

even though i was relieved now that the mystery of the stalker was over, i still have to figure what to say to the dude.
i read the card again, "please return my call" which call? another mystery which i decided to solve later. i have tons of work to do.
i called my girls with the update as i tackled my day.
just before lunch, my phone buzzed, it's him!
him:hi, i,ve been expecting ur call
me: im fine thanks for asking, how are u?
him:(silence, a short laugh)u're good!
me:thanks(smiling)
him:how was ur weekend?
me: good and yours?
him:it would have been nicer if u called, i thought we hit it off on friday..
me:thanks for the drinks i had a good time
him:just go easy on the virgin cosmo next time, i hear they can be deadly(laughing softly)
me: real funny!(smiling)
him:my office' s only two blocks from urs, how about lunch?
me:sorry, I'm booked for lunch
him:booked?
me: oh, thanks for the chocolates
him:u got them?
me: duh!(roll eyes)
him:thanks
me:sorry, i could n't help it (grinning)
him:how about dinner tonight?
me:tonight? u realize it's monday right?
him?u don't eat dinner on monday nights?
me:funny, what time 's dinner?
him: how's 7, too early?
me: (remembering it's pizza nite with the two teenage girls i mentor)let's make it another time, i have something to do tonite
him:ok. can i call u later?
me:ok
him:good, later.
me: bye

we both hang up just as i realize he only has my office#, oh well!

I suffered thru lunch with my bosses, shuffled some more papers before heading home. ..
as we played basketball, i couldn't help observing how much more developed and curvaceous the group of 15 and 16 year olds were, more than most of the girls my age even.(another topic for another day)
after the game, the girls decided they wanted dim sum instead of the usual pizza, me being the finicky eater,decided to take them to my favorite joint..( a little out of my way but def worth the trip)
anyway, the girls were more impressed with the ambiance of the place than they were with the dim sum (go figure)
we eat, have our usual chat: academics, home, teen dramatics ..
as always, we lost track of time.
as we got ready to leave the table , my cell phone rings, i quickly turn it off without even looking at the caller(am i the only one who think that the cell phone is the most obnoxious intrusion known to mankind?)i apologise and we finished our chat.
after dropping off each girl, i drove into the parking lot of a nearby convenience store, as i packed, another car pulls up and my phone vibrates, i rummaged thru my bag for it finally finding it still lit, i pick it up to hear a familiar male voice asking me to look to my right, i look, it's him!(my heart races, omg! mo daran! he's a stalker after all!)
he walks over to my side.

me:i thought u lived in the city?
him:nice to see u too (smiling)
me:oh, hi
him:so u chose to have dinner with 2 girls instead of me?
me:?
him:i watched u guys walk in and i waited and watched u the entire time
me:are u serious?
him:i called, i saw u turn the phone off...
me:wait a minute, i didn't give u my cell phone# how did u get it?
him:it's on ur business card
me:wow! where did u get that from?
him:(grinning) i stole it..
me:?
him:from the Princeton club.. the first time we met...
me:u have been stalking me since ?
him:no!... i live in this town.i didn't believe it was u when u walked in with those 2 girls at the same time i was picking up my dinner, cos u fouled up my dinner plans. remember?
me:hm mm (slowly exhaling)
him:i thought u lived in the city?
me: nah!
him:what town?
me:u mean where I'll be moving to?
him:(laughing) seriously, I'm not stalking u
me:ok. wareva

we chatted a little more, made plans to have a proper dinner date two days later before bidding each other goodnight..


from this experience, i have learned to pay more attention to places and my surroundings..

contd

wouldn't you believe it!
exactly a week later, i got another bouquet of flowers with a card saying "can't get u off my mind" along with a fone#
so i picked up the phone and called udu who's now back from her trip(she was quite miffed she missed the previous drama and my not calling her)

me:i just got another one o
udu: another what?
me: delivery now
udu:hmm, are u sure it's not golden boy? (mr i don't eat mede mede)
me: why would he use a diff name?
udu:are u spooked again?
me:are u kidding?
udu:abeg no worri jo. abeg o me i want the dinner wey u owe me today today o
me:wareva, u have any place in mind?
udu:o tun nna, (u 're still haggling) see u later.

the dinner with udu was a sharp contrast to my dinner with oyin exactly a week ago.
she regaled me with juicy details of her trip.(wish i could post about it,i know she will kill me for sure. lol)
she reeled out fabu after fabu thru out the night(yes o she 's the fabulaxer in my hair)the people at the next table told the waiter they wanted whatever we were having..
after dinner, she informed me she was sleeping over at my house to catch up on gist despite the fact that it was a week night and we both had to work the next day. i happily agreed knowing sleeping was not in the equation.
after gisting all night we concluded, no, udu reasoned there was no reason to be afraid, she said (like she would know)stalkers do not set out to harm their victims, they end up harming them only when the victims don't use common sense, it sounded good as illogical as it was.
so we agreed i would call him and stay friendly at a distance.
i didn't get a chance to call him the next day cos of an emergency at work, so i kept putting it off mainly cos i had no idea what to say.

after a whirlwind of a week, that friday night a group of us decided to meet for dinner after work to celebrate at a well known watering hole. amid the merriment,a familiar dude approached our table, i quickly remembered meeting him at the Princeton Club a couple of weeks ago, he came over to say hello, one oyinbo chic hugged him rather tightly to our amusement, he made as if to hug me so i politely shook his hand.we made small talk about the event and as he was leaving he handed me his card which i tucked into my bag.

after dinner,as we were leaving he came over to ask if i can join him for a drink, i tried to feign tiredness but my colleagues edged me on telling him i was Cinderella as i don't stay out past midnight, so i agreed to have a drink even tho i don't drink.
as it turned out i had a fab time with him. i was just bummed he didn't ask for my digits as we bade each other goodnite..

he waltzed across my mind a couple of times all weekend.. i mentioned this to my girls (big mistake!)they all chorused: why u got to wait for him to ask for ur digit?
u should have given it to him jo, dudes want u to show some interest too...yada yada (roll eyes, hiss, more hiss)so i decided not to tell them i have his card.i know udu would def have put a knife to my neck to call him.

i arrived at the office monday morning to find another delivery, this time not flowers, a box of Godiva chocolates with a mylar balloon. anyone who know me,would tell you, i love good chocolate, i will do anything, well, almost anything for a good piece of chocolate.
curiously i opened the card, it read:thanks for the best evening of my life.
please return my call. my heart sank. it's from the nutso i had yet to call..
just then my oyinbo colleague(the overhugger)walked into my office and started talking about friday night,how she used to work with him and really likes him(i'm thinking: she's got jungle fever!!) she wanted every detail of my drink with--- she said his name, the name of the nutso!
turns out that, the oyinbo dude who introduced us at the Princeton club butchered his name so badly it became another name..

the delivery was perplexing cos i am known to have excellent memory,actually short of being photographic my memory power should be rated really high...
so u can understand why it was troubling not remembering going on a date with this person,also as i have not been on date in over two months.(it was more like an interview for domestic help than a date..lol, incidentally,he too sent flowers the next day apologising for his behavior and some crap about giving him a chance b4 writing him off. yada yada yada....)
the more i racked my brains for who it could be the more freakier it became, someone knows my full name, my office, what else do they know?
amid the ohhs and aahs of how gorgeous the arrangement was, i was contemplating tossing them in the nearest bin as my paranoia peaked..
i was finally able to settle down and actually get some work done and put the "delivery" on the back burner. that is until the end of the day.
my dinner with oyin didn't help matters at all. to say the girl has an active mind will be putting it really mildly, the girl is nuts!
she conjured up all kinds of wild and crazy scenarios, nothing with any semblance to love or romance. by the end of dinner she had me wound up so tight, my head was spinning. u should have heard her, "i knew it!this ur mouth eh? u had to tell it like it is! miss independent!(shake head,roll eyes...)
i had to keep grabbing the table to keep me from reaching across and strangling her.
once I'd had enough i thanked her for her kind support and made my way home.(she later called and offered to spend the night with me, me: no thanks! )
i went home,relaxed, prayed, and activated my alarm system for the first time in months before settling in for the night.

by the next day i was more at peace and have conclude it must be a prank. so i was completely caught off guard when a call came thru my line, picked up the phone, it was the person who sent the flowers asking when and where to pick me up! omg! i must have sounded really dense, cos i said ' i don't remember going on a date with u cos i have no idea who u are! he found it rather amusing, cos he asked if had been speed dating,me: ?
him:u must go on lots of dates to not remember them all?
me:? (getting annoyed)listen, i have no time for this.
he then went on to describe the first date:we had a beautiful meal in classy place, we looked into each other's eyes all night, we briefly held each other's hands, intellectual convo was flowing, a very nice evening except u didn't let me kiss u goodnight. remember now?
me:i would!if it happened!
now I'm thinking he's a psycho and i better find a way to get rid of him without incident.
him:OK.so how about that date?
me:my schedule is rather tight right now.oh, thanks for the flowers, they were beautiful.
him:the brush off eh?
me:not at all. take care.
click. whew!

"my one"

where do i start?
from the very first sighting i guess.
we sat at the same table at a business roundtable event at the princeton club a few moons ago....
there were no fireworks nor sparks at least not on my part,he claims the angels were singing.. too bad i didn't notice.
these events are usually male dominated and can be really boring so u can understand my aversion to them and whenever i attend, it's with a great deal of apathy.
anyway, i was seated at a table with 2 other gals and five guys including him.
at the end of the event,the guys invited us gals for drinks to which i declined and quickly made my escape.
u can imagine my suprise when two days later a bouquet of flowers was delivered to my office asking me for a second date from a name i don't have any recollection of.

when life puts u in a box

When life (i prefer society) put u in a box, what to do?

a) redesign and redecorate?
b) make it comfortable and homely?
c) fight like hell?
d) have a pity party?
e) install wheels?
f) install wings? (aerodynamics)remember this when some one says to u: "u have grown wings"
g)do nothing?
h)demand for a bigger box?
g)turn it into a prison?
i)pretend it's five star hotel room and society is room service?
j)break down the damn box? (possibly with ur bare hands)
k)install a lock or the best security device?
j)be a sister to the girl in the next box?
l)use what your mama gave you? (the one encased in your cranium)
m)use what your mama gave you? (the one between your legs)

more?

i am aware that this can apply to men too, to an extent.