Just randomly gisting my mum about the party planner from hell (u know who u are) who has been tirelessly planning my bday party with such gusto!(who send me?)na so we finished gisting, hang up, end of tori? two days later, mom calls to informed me she was coming! (who send am invitation?) i tried to dissuade her,(weather, too busy,gets dark earlier...)she no gree she insisted she wants to be with me (her baby) for my bday(since when?)
amid the madness, i managed to have the house cleaned and momproofed,stocked up on her fav fruits and veggies.. it's been two days and my once tranquil and peaceful home has been bursling non stop! naija people calling at odd hours(they don't know time diff?)
the funny part is mom won't pick up the phone, (yes o, u guessed it)i get to speak to everybody and their mother.. every conversation ends with: igba wo lo ma marry? (when are u getting married) most of the time, i just hand the phone to mom. and every time she gives the same answer "eh, o ma ko ko marry o"(she refused to get married) lol
Anyhos, the real gist is her conversations with her friends.(prereq: understanding yoruba) it's real hilarious hearing the old folks talking about sex (yes o, they do)
when she asked one friend about a certain man,she replied" a ma jo yun rawa lehin ni o, eyin de ti hurun o, iyari logbeni nwa ka. ore, oyinbo nse kan! yehin yehin orisirisi ma kun oja. lalai foju fena.
they also gisted about another lady married to some rich man and was having her bush trimmed and whacked by the gardener in the uk(feel free to draw ur own conclusion)
and then there was the judge who was benching prosecutor o, defense counsel o. plaintiff o, gbogbo won awo po.(contempt in court)
on another note: i pray God delivers me from this planner from hell. have u heard of a celebrant not having any say about the guests to her own throwdown?
i have tried everything, and now, i resort to begging and grovelling: abeg ur royal prettiness and ubber fabulousness, i ur humble subject begs u, implore u(dico is on fire!) please don't cause katakata o, please don't and if u have, please disinvite golden boy o i know how u pride ur self as a classy babe (that is def not classy,rather cheesy and downright low) may i add mean and wicked ala ursula?
even though i was relieved now that the mystery of the stalker was over, i still have to figure what to say to the dude. i read the card again, "please return my call" which call? another mystery which i decided to solve later. i have tons of work to do. i called my girls with the update as i tackled my day. just before lunch, my phone buzzed, it's him! him:hi, i,ve been expecting ur call me: im fine thanks for asking, how are u? him:(silence, a short laugh)u're good! me:thanks(smiling) him:how was ur weekend? me: good and yours? him:it would have been nicer if u called, i thought we hit it off on friday.. me:thanks for the drinks i had a good time him:just go easy on the virgin cosmo next time, i hear they can be deadly(laughing softly) me: real funny!(smiling) him:my office' s only two blocks from urs, how about lunch? me:sorry, I'm booked for lunch him:booked? me: oh, thanks for the chocolates him:u got them? me: duh!(roll eyes) him:thanks me:sorry, i could n't help it (grinning) him:how about dinner tonight? me:tonight? u realize it's monday right? him?u don't eat dinner on monday nights? me:funny, what time 's dinner? him: how's 7, too early? me: (remembering it's pizza nite with the two teenage girls i mentor)let's make it another time, i have something to do tonite him:ok. can i call u later? me:ok him:good, later. me: bye
we both hang up just as i realize he only has my office#, oh well!
I suffered thru lunch with my bosses, shuffled some more papers before heading home. .. as we played basketball, i couldn't help observing how much more developed and curvaceous the group of 15 and 16 year olds were, more than most of the girls my age even.(another topic for another day) after the game, the girls decided they wanted dim sum instead of the usual pizza, me being the finicky eater,decided to take them to my favorite joint..( a little out of my way but def worth the trip) anyway, the girls were more impressed with the ambiance of the place than they were with the dim sum (go figure) we eat, have our usual chat: academics, home, teen dramatics .. as always, we lost track of time. as we got ready to leave the table , my cell phone rings, i quickly turn it off without even looking at the caller(am i the only one who think that the cell phone is the most obnoxious intrusion known to mankind?)i apologise and we finished our chat. after dropping off each girl, i drove into the parking lot of a nearby convenience store, as i packed, another car pulls up and my phone vibrates, i rummaged thru my bag for it finally finding it still lit, i pick it up to hear a familiar male voice asking me to look to my right, i look, it's him!(my heart races, omg! mo daran! he's a stalker after all!) he walks over to my side.
me:i thought u lived in the city? him:nice to see u too (smiling) me:oh, hi him:so u chose to have dinner with 2 girls instead of me? me:? him:i watched u guys walk in and i waited and watched u the entire time me:are u serious? him:i called, i saw u turn the phone off... me:wait a minute, i didn't give u my cell phone# how did u get it? him:it's on ur business card me:wow! where did u get that from? him:(grinning) i stole it.. me:? him:from the Princeton club.. the first time we met... me:u have been stalking me since ? him:no!... i live in this town.i didn't believe it was u when u walked in with those 2 girls at the same time i was picking up my dinner, cos u fouled up my dinner plans. remember? me:hm mm (slowly exhaling) him:i thought u lived in the city? me: nah! him:what town? me:u mean where I'll be moving to? him:(laughing) seriously, I'm not stalking u me:ok. wareva
we chatted a little more, made plans to have a proper dinner date two days later before bidding each other goodnight..
from this experience, i have learned to pay more attention to places and my surroundings..