Monday, February 25, 2008

Managing expectations and obligations

i think i just found my mind!
when did i lose it? how? too many questions

I came home Sunday night after another weekend away.
as the peace and tranquility enveloped me. i realized how much i have missed my house.
the familiar hum of the viking refrigerator,the plushness of my afghan sofa, even the annoying whirring of the gas boiler.

after checking my voicemail, i went from room to room getting reacquainted with my home. my bedroom, just the way i left it Friday morning as i hastily packed,clothes strewn on the bed and chaise. the floor,it was spotless!
a half drunk cup of tea sits on the nightstand right next to a stack of newly acquired books begging to be read.

i hang the last of the clothes in the closet to reveal the perfectly made bed. not able to resist anymore, i get into my bed still fully clothed and i happily pulled the comforter over my head.

it seems my bed has missed me too, cause it gently cuddles me in its bosom as if to never let go. i hug my body pillow even tighter.

i was awaken out of my reverie by the whine of my front door sensor followed by footsteps on the stairs. a deep sigh, just as Mr my1 walks in with my bags.
i would have loved to have seen my own face, cause he dropped the bags and rushed over, asking if i was alright.

as i raise my eyes to meet his worried and searching gaze,i knew i had to tell him. that, i am so damn tired of keeping up appearances and i need my weekends to myself. just me by myself in my pyjamas all weekend puttering around, reading, eating anything and everything or just doing whatever i please!

i know, some of you are probably thinking. she's having a meltdown! (Au contra re!)
did i say i found my mind?

we have spent nearly every weekend together meeting expectations since December except for the one with my girls in January. okay, the Christmas period and the parties was fun even romantic. but it's not fun anymore. between his obligations and mine we have practically every weekend booked! did i mention, i am a recovering recluse?
why do we have to be at social gatherings together?
cause we are expected to!

if i show up without him, i will spend half the time explaining his whereabouts to each enquirer. answers like, he's busy or he has other engagements is the same as saying we 're not together anymore.

it's a different cup of tea if he shows up without me, more often it's perceived as him been on the prowl or escaping from my deathly grip depending on the gathering.
if it's a close friend of his, i get labelled a snob. several times, after he 'd walked in alone, his close friends had called me to ask why i didn't come with him. one even succeeded in making me feel so guilty i had to get dressed and join them.

so, i just came out and told him outright. i am exhausted and i will not be going anywhere next weekend and maybe the next. no more "just showing faces".

he sat there in silence for a while one brow arched while twisting the ring he now wears on the second finger of his left hand.
finally, he asked if it had anything to do with his aunt and uncle's interrogation this weekend at his cousin's wedding. i suppress a laugh as i answered in the negative.
he smiled and he simply said "that's okay babe".

i did a little victory dance inside.

i understand the necessity of expectations but,i just refuse to be a slave to it.
i also understand the futility of trying to meet society or other people's expectations. frankly, i find it quite exhausting.
the only expectation i care to meet is mine and mine alone.

Friday, February 15, 2008

The allure of the ring

I recall watching with dismay as the females admired and goshed over the bride's ring. some compared sizes, cut,clarity and even managed to insult the unfortunate girls with "baby stones". i stayed nice and quite, or else, they will all conveniently misconstrue anything said as jealousy or worse. my crazement.

it made me realize why the bride's odeshios brother wud, from seeing the reactions to the ring wud conclude. it's every female's deep desire to have a ring from a man.

does the engagement ring really signify commitment? if so, how come males don't insist on engagements rings too?

my crazy mind only likens engagement rings to branding livestock. the glaring double standard is appalling, yet most females tend to ignore it. the male proposes with a ring, female accepts and happilly wears his ring to show the world she's snagged a man. the man on the other hand needs no ring to show the world his new status or does it not matter until he actually gets married?

what is the allure of the ring?
of course, i love rings they're my second fav accessories right after shoes
they're not accessories? like men?(silly me!)
how could we ascribe so much power to a piece of jewelry?
i have been told it confers rights and priviledges.does it really?

it grieves me to see females agonizing over not being married at a certain age.
i know, it's conditioning. but why wud any female not see how absurd it is?
it seems that most females just want to join the "mrs club" at all cost.

some put their lives on hold,curtail their aspirations, trade in their personalities, lower their standards,overlook serious character flaws, condone and tolerate abusive behaviour just to be marriageable!
why on earth do u want to marry a man who is threatened by ur intelligence and achievements? or a man who is not comfortable with ur independent nature? or worse, a man u can't be urself around?

by virtue of the design, the modern marriage is destined for failure from the very start. a female is sheltered and pampered her whole life,has everything provided by her parents, has no clue what a simple budget is, talkless of how to balance a checkbook, and yet this same female is married off and is expected to run a home successfully? talk about sink or swim!

i remember my mum's remark when i upgraded from a condo to a house.
here i was, thinking she'd be proud and excited, she first asked what was wrong with the condo. i told her nothing, other than the house was a better investment and more private. she looked around the entire house,then she said "so mo pe o le dan iru eleyi wo ni naija?" -u know u wud not dare try this in naija?
i didn' need to ask further to know she meant it was a taboo for a single female to own her own place or a nice car if she harbors any hopes of ever getting married. little did she know, despite not being in naija, there's no escaping naija. as i expected, some called me a snob for moving to the burbs and running away from people, even too oyinbo. the most surprising was hearing one of my girls, voice her concern about my banishment to singlehood hell for life cos now, men will feel like they have nothing to offer!(no, i didn't slap her)

come to find out later, she was partialy right! i couldn't for the life of me attract men who had nothing to offer, but i attracted one who had more than something to offer....Love

why can't some females understand that, they don't need a lot of suitors. just one suited for them, and how can u know who's suited for if u don't take the time to know urself and pursue ur own goals?

i have my reservations about the marriage institution, no surprises there, i hope.
is it ordained by God? really now? adam and eve were married? abraham and sarah? is it then safe to assume that concubines are part of God's plan for marriages? oh, i forgot! he changed his mind in the new

please don't get me wrong, i believe in God, i even believe the bible is inspired by God. but i refuse to accept that a loving God wud ordain marriage as an instrument of oppression for females.

do i believe in marriage? if thats what a committed, mutually satisfying and loving relationship in which both partners are free to be themselves is called. yes ke!

Thursday, February 7, 2008

She's alive!

sorry o, my peeps i've been quite busy!

what is it with all dem people getting married by the droves this year?
between the save the dates, engagement annoucements,and actual invitations, we have amassed quite a stack.

still on weddings, a good friend as opposed to a bad one is getting married in a couple of weeks, so, madam prego and i went to her bridal shower.
from my previous experiences,(i have been to quite a number of dem o) bridal showers were always an all girls affairs. am i wrong?

so, u can imagine my surprise to see a handful of guys at this shower.
all the games went very well despite the presence of the guys until the over sabi ditzy chief bridesmaid (yup, how did u know?)noticed the guys weren't included in the games and decided to include them.

bride showered with lingeries she will never wear, some two sizes too small, some just simply ridiculous, some belonging in a torture chamber or better yet,a house of horror, some clearly not meant to be worn by any sane female.
can someone please educate me on what purpose handcuffs, whips, leashes,studded gloves and metal collars have to do with making love?

anywhos, a few sensible gifts here and there, foods, drinks and more silly games and it was all over.(thank goodness)

i drop off madam prego and head to mr my1's house as ordered.(oh yeah, i take orders from him now o. since when? since we had "the couple's goals and refle wateva talk. that is a post all by itself)

just as i let myself into his house with his key, my key?(wateva)and feeling really pleased with myself for finally remembering to put it in my bag for once, my phone rings.(no name and an unknown#)pick up to hear a male voice.

him:hello Sherri

me:who is this?

him: u forgot me already?(with a laugh)

me:who is this again? getting annoyed)

him:u were playing games with me not too long ago

me:(one of the guys at the bridal shower) sorry,i didn't quite catch ur name

him: i didn't throw it

me:(roll eyes) look, am just trying to be polite here. who are u ?

by now, mr my1 has one brow raised(mouthing whos's that?)as i shrugged

him:the one u gave ur # to

me:u are def calling a wrong #

him:there was another sherri there?


him:am just playing, am dj, the bride gave me ur # am her brother(recalling his face)

me:oh!(wondering why she wud, knowing fully well i have a man)


me:can i ask why?

him:why am calling or why she gave me ur phone#?


him:cos i want to talk to u and as per naija style i pulled the right strings

me(now irritated)did she happen to mention that i have a boyfie?

him:oh yeah, i know u have a bf of almost two years

me:(letting my guard down) so kilo happen?

him:ko si much, wud u have dinner with me tommorrow?


him:i like u and wud like to know u better

me:u know i have someone, right?

him:someone for almost two years and no ring? at ur age?

me:(annoyed)at my age? wth! is that supposed to mean?

him:don't kid urself, u shud be in a serious relationship by now

me:i see, and u are offering that serious relationship right?

him:u never know

me:(laughing)i'll take my chances with my unserious guy.take care.(click)
i turned to face a bemused mr my1.(i was not amused)

i realized how much i have mellowed, what ever happened to that spitfire sherri? i bet she wud have told him off after the first word out of his runny mouth, wud he have even dared call? i miss her lots.

wait! i feel her coming back!(alright!) i roll my shoulders ready to lunge at mr my1, at any provocative word(yes, any word, even my name!)

he must have sensed her presence, cos he just drew me close with that trademark twinkle in his eyes and said, barely above a whisper "i take it there were guys at the shower eh? oya, come explain urself o "

i explained alright, i just spared the words. lol

ps:i will post my rant on the ring issue later

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Celebrating homeboy Osi Umeyiora and the Giants

no doubt about it that was the best superbowl game ever!
and my boys played their hearts and cute butts off!(enhanced by lycra of course)
big ups for homeboy Osi,he did us proud o
too bad he's too young, if he was just three years older, mr my1 would have a major problem on his hands for