Saturday, June 14, 2008

Homesick!

am missing home badly! as in i want to just pack it all up and move back home. (naija of course!)
it may sound crazy, but i can't shake the feelings.
the thought that i may never go back to naija to live is very scary!

most of my friends including Mr my1 thinks am being naive, unrealistic and overly optimistic about being able to adapt to life in Lagos. my non-conforming nature, the lack of security,lack of infrastructure, non-existent rule of law and everything in between are the reasons cited.

what do i have to say to that?
ngbano nko? (so what?)
how will it get better if we all remain complacent here in comfort and luxury?
what is success really if u can't share it with the people u love?
can all the money in the world replace the sheer bliss of being able to reach out and literally touch ur parents and siblings at will? even with the petty squabbles and idiosyncrasies.

it saddens me when i feel more and more at home here while each time i go to naija i feel like a foreigner. it's even more sad to need a visa to visit a place i call home.

on my last trip in 2006, the immigration officer gratingly asked me at the airport: what is your meshone? lol (the exchange that followed is a post all by itself)i just kept repeating to my self, non confrontational voice, non confrontational voice...

the first week, i was too overjoyed to be home to notice anything amiss. all i did was eat,sleep and harass my parents. the one night we had a power holding, i begged them not to turn the generator on. it was fun to navigate the house with a torchlight.( flashlight)it was priceless to sit in semi darkness revisiting days gone with my mum.(i have a feeling we probably wud not have had the same conversation had there been light.)
i even thot it might be a good idea for couples in the west to have a light out night! what better way to be romantic and be forced to talk to each other? (if only it was that simple. maybe it is that simple)

my only bummer was falling for mum's mind game that weekend by shelving my night life expedition with my cousins. despite being fully dressed and ready!
the game:
she didn't raise any objections as we made plans during the day,she even helped me pick out an outfit. but as soon as my cousins came back and woke me up from my nap around 10pm her demeanor changed.
she sent my grandma to do the initial assault.
she started by asking:
grandma:ibo le nlo loru yii? (where are u going this late?)
me: a kon sere lo ni(we're just going out)
grandma:ibo gan ni?(where exactly?)
me: club
grandma:klubu? ile ijo? ki lo sonu te nwa lo?(what are u guys going there for?)
me: (laughing) e ma worry a lo jina rara. a ni kuro ni island (don't worry, we'll be right back, we wont even leave the island)
grandma:hmmm!
grandma:se o mo pe bibire ko se fowora?(do you know that being of good lineage is priceless?)
me: ailowo gidi ni yen granma (serious money can buy almost anything granma)
grandma:ko le ye e (u 'll never understand it)
grandma: je nwo igo lofinda yen(let me see that perfume bottle)
me:se e like e?(do u like it?)
grandma:(sniffing the perfume)o ja fikan (smells nice)
mo laiki e (i like it)
me: ma fun yin lola, mo need e lale yii
(i'll give it to u tomorrow, i need it tonight)
grandma: ose oko mi (thanks sweetie)
she leaves singing: ajetunmobi, bibire ko ma se fowora o.....
i quickly finished getting ready thinking i was home free.(little did i know)

i went downstairs to find my mum with smoke bellowing out of each nostril, ( i shud just have ignored her)

mum: are u trying to kill my mother?
me: ?
mum:she is very upset, she said "eni abire kii rinru" and awon o fe fiwu keke omo
(good people don't keep late hours and she does not want to mourn a child in her graying years)lo yoju si won (go see her)

it was only 11pm!

i knew the game was up before i even entered the room, i cud hear her sniffling.
i just hugged her and told her i was staying home.she smiled and handed me the tiger balm and i happily massaged her arthritic knee with it. i hugged and kissed her goodnight. she flashed me a happy and contented smile.
i wanted to linger at the door to hear her victory dance but i had to wash the tiger balm off fast!
i had no apologies for my cousins, afterall it was their grandma too, we just got some suya and chilled.

the highlight of my trip was the two days i spent with my grandma in her town
she woke me up each morning with prayers and my oriki, we sat on the veranda both evenings with me clad in her over sized, starched and camphored ankara iro and buba with baba legba playing on a gramophone in the basa (big parlor)while she regaled me with tales of her days.
i even drove her rickety 190e to the evening market for ofada rice and to mr biggs for snacks.

despite a 40-45 miles trip taking more than 2 hour of driving on potholed death traps and my close encounter with area boys on Nnamdi Azikiwe it was still a very nostalgic and beautiful trip.(yes o, am romanticising naija)

don't get me wrong o, am not trying to trivialize the serious issues in naija and i realize a vacation is not the same as living day to day BUT, i see the potential for greatness there and i still think of naija as home more than ever and i wonder, can we trully be at home away from home?

what do u guys think? am i delusional?

27 comments:

flawsandall said...

ha I am first..
let me go read..dont worry i wont do the dance this time

flawsandall said...

you are far from delusional...
I really miss home and try to attach myself to anything and anyone here in the states that will remind me of where my heart lies...
I dont think living in naija is as bad as people make it seem..especially if you have money...plus abuja is a good place to start if one is planning on moving back

flawsandall said...

ha! and your grandma is darlingly hilarious..lol.I wish my grandma was as friendly and caring.the friendly and caring one is dead..*sigh*

Anonymous said...

You are not delusional at all; I wish I had that same connection to Nigeria.

Unfortunately as long as we have to work (constantly, regularly) to make a living, it will be hard to be able to go back and forth between countries in a way that will make you feel like you're an equal inhabitant of both. We will get there though...we can do it!

Your love for your grandma is sweet you big softie! would have done the same thing because I cannot resist my grandparents, probably because I see them so seldom. Family can be manipulative but I just call it their "style" and leave it at that.

Nigerian Drama Queen said...

I dont think you are delusional at all
Infact, most of my friends are moving back now-and they are doing big things. Bigger things than they would have ever done in the states. There is a market out there and a potential to make a real difference-that doesn't exist here.
With the right job and such-its so much easier to live a life in Nigeria that taxes, and insurance and blah blah blah would never let one live here.
My 2 cents on the matter sha.

Thirty + said...

I want to go home now *sulks*

You are not delusional o, there is no two ways about it, home is home.

Naapali said...

Sherie ma Cherie, you are not being delusional but you are letting that sly worm nostalgia play a trick on you and you know it. True all of the things you listed are reasons to have a longing and an attachment to the place you were raised and first called home.

Truth for me is I value the sense of being just a citizen with the same respects and expectations of any other citizen more than my nostalgia. All the things you listed do not replace the inner peace I have knowing random LASTMAN will not jump into my car, or be harassed at check point, be in danger of armed robbery at all times etc etc.

Naija is great to visit and one does not have to live in a country to help make it better.

However, I do understand the strong emotional place that you are writing this from.

guerreiranigeriana said...

...i don't think you delusional because frankly, i'm right there with you...i do agree that we may romanticise it a bit because we are visiting and not having to figure out to get work done that ensures our income while there is no electricity...etc...but, i also agree that if i don't go home to work to improve things, who will?...already the chinese and co have started their own new invasion/modern-day colonialization...the only invasion naija needs is of diasporan nigerians coming home...i hope to move home permanently in 3-5 years, or def after i have finished and defended my dissertation...i salute you for wanting to return home too!!!...

LG said...

there is no place like home
home sweeet home
wen i go north,south,east n west
U must surely come back home.

*norrin do u jare, 9ja awaits....

Ms. emmotions said...

hi dear,

well, wat can i say, those of us here are so used to these lapses now that we are almost ignorant of them,
i think home will always be home

i can't seem to make myself feel at home abroad, i think just visitin is IT for me,

the exchange between u and ur gran ma ...so very funny and for her sake i hope u wont go clubbin ni oru again..lol

Allied said...

What i enjoyed more is the Yoruba in this post...

It was so rich.. i never get to talk with anyone like that....

I havent been to Nigeria in while but i do have it in the back on my mind to move back... But i dont know if i can live in peace in my lawless homeland

Flourishing Florida said...

hmmm. i'd say, spent 3 months here first den u can b sure if u can cope. dis place is totally different 4rm d west o. very different. have u got d stomach 4 it?

Sherri said...

Zephi*
baby luv!
i love ur dance!
u too? pele dear
yes o,i know it's not going to be a cake walk, but it's not that bad.
thx,grandma deserves an oscar!sorry about ur nice grandma.

gng*
buffday girl!
yes we can!
yes o, grandma got me wrapped around her little finger.
u have to pick ur battles when it comes to family.

ndq*
thx babe!
moving to naija 's a huge trade off.it's def not going to be an easy decision.

30+*
sisi mi!
let's go !
yes o. home is where the heart is!
how are u?

Sherri said...

naapali*
(smile)
i do know it, but i can't come to grips with the harsh reality.

i refuse to accept one can make lasting and effective change without living there and experiencing it firsthand. please don't quip"if u survive it" that annoys me!
thx dude!
how u dey? ur family nko?

gnaija*
yesssssssssssssssssssssssss!
i knew there was a reason why i love u so!(besides ur passionate quest for knowledge)
we can't all be armchair critics!
naija here we come o

lg*
yes o, no place like home o.
thx jare!

ms emmotions*
used to them? that's precisely why we need to come home!

i have to experience lagos night life now!
i will def go clubbing o, but with a lil street smarts.

how are u luv?

allied*
sweetie babe!
kilo nsele?
am glad u enjoyed the yoruba. do u see why i miss home?
any way u paint it, it's still homeland and always will be.

fff*
i hear u babe, but am of the opinion that leaving the option to leave if i can't cope is not real commitment..
how u dey?

princesa said...

LOL! I laughed hard at this post.
No place like home ever!

bumight said...

Its easy to romanticize naija, especially if you're visiting. Also, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
there has been a massive exodus back to naija BUT I dont advise anybody to move back without a solid plan.

Smaragd said...

ZEPHI, have u been reading? all this firsting! (i'm just jealous)

Sherri, i have lived here all my life, except for a few months out and back... and even though i can barely wait for the improvement that is bound to come, i love it here.

i plan to live abroad for a couple of years and still come back home. i guess it's not so easy for pple like u who've lived abroad all ur lives.

ur grandma is hilarious!

Jinta said...

home will always beckon. they could not see me for dust when i left, now my friends here cannot see me for dust for the frequency of my trips.

Anonymous said...

i miss home too!but when i think of nepa i am like mba!

Chari said...

awww...ur not bein delusional na...its only normal....I fear that I am going to get like u r now when I finally leave this country...cuz mehn...jus one weekend in France reminded me of how much i am big fan of 9ja food..

Chari said...

and I soooo feel u on the requireing a visa to enter my own country...*Hiss...

Chari said...

P.S.: I have missed u!

Sherri said...

princesa*
no doubt
how u dey?

bumight*
moving to naija will def be a huge trade off o
the grass is def not greener in this case, just heart strings being pulled.


smaragd*
babe!
i hear u o
just bear in mind that, most just like u planned to come for a couple of years.

thx, my grandma tries.

jinta*
tell me about it!

pink satin*
babe, if nepa or wareva it's called now was the biggest issue, i wud be home already.

charizard*
the sexy one!
don't worry about the food, naija food is easier to find all over the states now.

double lip curling hiss on the need for a visa jare.

i miss u too dude!
afara! go read ur booku! lol

TheAfroBeat said...

Not delusional at all o sister Sherri. Home is where your heart is born, you can't shake it, and shouldn't try too hard either. It go better, but as you said, we need to believe it so our minds can achieve it, and that won't happen if we all sit back and get comfortable in another man's land.

lemonade factory said...

awwwww sweetie i feel u,what can say...home is where d heart is...ur grandma huh wisdom kai !!! long time sherri,are u on facebook?

Unknown said...

Such a beautiful post. I'm speechless! You echo the sentiments of many of us. Now more than ever, I miss home...badly. I can't wait to go and see what it's like now. Haven't been in a decade. I should hide my head in...! Yes.

Our mamas sha. They have made the old blackmail a real art. The mafia can learn from them...No forceful tactics needed.

Afrobabe said...

Not at all…well you better not be cos I am heading that way soon too…