Homesick!

am missing home badly! as in i want to just pack it all up and move back home. (naija of course!)
it may sound crazy, but i can't shake the feelings.
the thought that i may never go back to naija to live is very scary!

most of my friends including Mr my1 thinks am being naive, unrealistic and overly optimistic about being able to adapt to life in Lagos. my non-conforming nature, the lack of security,lack of infrastructure, non-existent rule of law and everything in between are the reasons cited.

what do i have to say to that?
ngbano nko? (so what?)
how will it get better if we all remain complacent here in comfort and luxury?
what is success really if u can't share it with the people u love?
can all the money in the world replace the sheer bliss of being able to reach out and literally touch ur parents and siblings at will? even with the petty squabbles and idiosyncrasies.

it saddens me when i feel more and more at home here while each time i go to naija i feel like a foreigner. it's even more sad to need a visa to visit a place i call home.

on my last trip in 2006, the immigration officer gratingly asked me at the airport: what is your meshone? lol (the exchange that followed is a post all by itself)i just kept repeating to my self, non confrontational voice, non confrontational voice...

the first week, i was too overjoyed to be home to notice anything amiss. all i did was eat,sleep and harass my parents. the one night we had a power holding, i begged them not to turn the generator on. it was fun to navigate the house with a torchlight.( flashlight)it was priceless to sit in semi darkness revisiting days gone with my mum.(i have a feeling we probably wud not have had the same conversation had there been light.)
i even thot it might be a good idea for couples in the west to have a light out night! what better way to be romantic and be forced to talk to each other? (if only it was that simple. maybe it is that simple)

my only bummer was falling for mum's mind game that weekend by shelving my night life expedition with my cousins. despite being fully dressed and ready!
the game:
she didn't raise any objections as we made plans during the day,she even helped me pick out an outfit. but as soon as my cousins came back and woke me up from my nap around 10pm her demeanor changed.
she sent my grandma to do the initial assault.
she started by asking:
grandma:ibo le nlo loru yii? (where are u going this late?)
me: a kon sere lo ni(we're just going out)
grandma:ibo gan ni?(where exactly?)
me: club
grandma:klubu? ile ijo? ki lo sonu te nwa lo?(what are u guys going there for?)
me: (laughing) e ma worry a lo jina rara. a ni kuro ni island (don't worry, we'll be right back, we wont even leave the island)
grandma:hmmm!
grandma:se o mo pe bibire ko se fowora?(do you know that being of good lineage is priceless?)
me: ailowo gidi ni yen granma (serious money can buy almost anything granma)
grandma:ko le ye e (u 'll never understand it)
grandma: je nwo igo lofinda yen(let me see that perfume bottle)
me:se e like e?(do u like it?)
grandma:(sniffing the perfume)o ja fikan (smells nice)
mo laiki e (i like it)
me: ma fun yin lola, mo need e lale yii
(i'll give it to u tomorrow, i need it tonight)
grandma: ose oko mi (thanks sweetie)
she leaves singing: ajetunmobi, bibire ko ma se fowora o.....
i quickly finished getting ready thinking i was home free.(little did i know)

i went downstairs to find my mum with smoke bellowing out of each nostril, ( i shud just have ignored her)

mum: are u trying to kill my mother?
me: ?
mum:she is very upset, she said "eni abire kii rinru" and awon o fe fiwu keke omo
(good people don't keep late hours and she does not want to mourn a child in her graying years)lo yoju si won (go see her)

it was only 11pm!

i knew the game was up before i even entered the room, i cud hear her sniffling.
i just hugged her and told her i was staying home.she smiled and handed me the tiger balm and i happily massaged her arthritic knee with it. i hugged and kissed her goodnight. she flashed me a happy and contented smile.
i wanted to linger at the door to hear her victory dance but i had to wash the tiger balm off fast!
i had no apologies for my cousins, afterall it was their grandma too, we just got some suya and chilled.

the highlight of my trip was the two days i spent with my grandma in her town
she woke me up each morning with prayers and my oriki, we sat on the veranda both evenings with me clad in her over sized, starched and camphored ankara iro and buba with baba legba playing on a gramophone in the basa (big parlor)while she regaled me with tales of her days.
i even drove her rickety 190e to the evening market for ofada rice and to mr biggs for snacks.

despite a 40-45 miles trip taking more than 2 hour of driving on potholed death traps and my close encounter with area boys on Nnamdi Azikiwe it was still a very nostalgic and beautiful trip.(yes o, am romanticising naija)

don't get me wrong o, am not trying to trivialize the serious issues in naija and i realize a vacation is not the same as living day to day BUT, i see the potential for greatness there and i still think of naija as home more than ever and i wonder, can we trully be at home away from home?

what do u guys think? am i delusional?