Managing expectations and obligations

i think i just found my mind!
when did i lose it? how? too many questions

I came home Sunday night after another weekend away.
as the peace and tranquility enveloped me. i realized how much i have missed my house.
the familiar hum of the viking refrigerator,the plushness of my afghan sofa, even the annoying whirring of the gas boiler.

after checking my voicemail, i went from room to room getting reacquainted with my home. my bedroom, just the way i left it Friday morning as i hastily packed,clothes strewn on the bed and chaise. the floor,it was spotless!
a half drunk cup of tea sits on the nightstand right next to a stack of newly acquired books begging to be read.

i hang the last of the clothes in the closet to reveal the perfectly made bed. not able to resist anymore, i get into my bed still fully clothed and i happily pulled the comforter over my head.

it seems my bed has missed me too, cause it gently cuddles me in its bosom as if to never let go. i hug my body pillow even tighter.

i was awaken out of my reverie by the whine of my front door sensor followed by footsteps on the stairs. a deep sigh, just as Mr my1 walks in with my bags.
i would have loved to have seen my own face, cause he dropped the bags and rushed over, asking if i was alright.

as i raise my eyes to meet his worried and searching gaze,i knew i had to tell him. that, i am so damn tired of keeping up appearances and i need my weekends to myself. just me by myself in my pyjamas all weekend puttering around, reading, eating anything and everything or just doing whatever i please!

i know, some of you are probably thinking. she's having a meltdown! (Au contra re!)
did i say i found my mind?

we have spent nearly every weekend together meeting expectations since December except for the one with my girls in January. okay, the Christmas period and the parties was fun even romantic. but it's not fun anymore. between his obligations and mine we have practically every weekend booked! did i mention, i am a recovering recluse?
why do we have to be at social gatherings together?
cause we are expected to!

if i show up without him, i will spend half the time explaining his whereabouts to each enquirer. answers like, he's busy or he has other engagements is the same as saying we 're not together anymore.

it's a different cup of tea if he shows up without me, more often it's perceived as him been on the prowl or escaping from my deathly grip depending on the gathering.
if it's a close friend of his, i get labelled a snob. several times, after he 'd walked in alone, his close friends had called me to ask why i didn't come with him. one even succeeded in making me feel so guilty i had to get dressed and join them.

so, i just came out and told him outright. i am exhausted and i will not be going anywhere next weekend and maybe the next. no more "just showing faces".

he sat there in silence for a while one brow arched while twisting the ring he now wears on the second finger of his left hand.
finally, he asked if it had anything to do with his aunt and uncle's interrogation this weekend at his cousin's wedding. i suppress a laugh as i answered in the negative.
he smiled and he simply said "that's okay babe".

i did a little victory dance inside.

i understand the necessity of expectations but,i just refuse to be a slave to it.
i also understand the futility of trying to meet society or other people's expectations. frankly, i find it quite exhausting.
the only expectation i care to meet is mine and mine alone.