polygamy was successfully practiced world wide mainly for agricultural reasons. some other reasons were, to increase the chance of a surviving heir, economic and some other reasons mentioned by other commenter's.
my view
while not an advocate or supporter of polygamy, i strongly resent the hypocrisy of the west against polygamy.
at a lavish graduation party of three children of a prominent yoruba king last year seated with some oyinbo and Caribbean friends who had a field day expressing their shock and disgust about the acceptance of the practice, the kicker was the presence of another yoruba monarch with his three radiantly happy oloris wearing the same attire(one of them happens to be a friend of my mom)
anyhow,i held my tongue for as long as i could, but they were relentless!
u see there's a reason for my madness, here's a woman(the Caribbean) who's "baby father" is also baby father to two other women(that we know of)and from the looks of it, is still getting benefits from his baby mamas,the oyinbo girl is thrice divorced and now shacking with another dude, the other even tho he's male and married has never said anything positive about his marriage or his wife (he sees nothing wrong in being a"john")
so, i asked each one of them how what they are practicing is different from polygamy? or how it's better?
my African American friends had long ago accepted that the baby mama and baby daddy lifestyle rampant within their community is indeed a form of polygamy.
my point?
(i do have one)
i agree that ,the practice is outdated and no longer relevant for today, however, we need to understand that it served a purpose and is a foundation for today's monogamous marriages.
from my conversations with two women i have the utmost respect for who are in polygamous marriages, i gathered, that being strong, career driven and opinionated are detrimental to a naija woman's chance of finding a husband, because society dictates that men are superior and thereby need to have a woman that can reinforce this(that defies logic no be small! i would expect they would feel manly sparing with a bright and articulate mind)
after marrying their "ideal woman" and not finding the companionship/fulfilment/challenge that they crave, resort to playing around or polygamy to satisfy the crave.
one of the women insists it's a way for women to have their cake and eat it too.(not sure i subscribe) but i can plainly see that she's independent and in control of her life and she's truly happy even tho it's with a quarter of a husband (my opinion) maybe that's all that's needed.
the bottom line is we should appreciate and embrace our heritage and let it evolve to meet the needs of the present rather than accept the west's definition as the ideal (please! u don't want me going there!)
this was a comment i left on a post about polygamy on solomosydelle,s blog
21 comments:
very insightful. I'm not pro-polygamy but you do have a point on not just conforming to the western worlds norms on perfect lifestyles.the irony lies in the fact that western marriages are by far less successful than polygamous marriages,so who are the kidding?
nice post.
sincerely, i dont think i've heard a better argument on polygamy like urs. u go school well well! lol!
hope u are having a jolly holiday!
Hmmmmmmmm is all I'll say for now.
Infact I'll ask a question before I leave..........Sherri love, are you gonna be happy and appreciative if your husband tries to marry 3 more wives?
A month ago I would have agreed to this but now I'm experiencing it, I don't agree.
When I found out my dad plans on marrying a 2nd wife, it really hurt me,...........so I don't accept it! You had good points though.
I ended up saying what I wanted 2 say....*sighs*
My thots exactly but much better delivered.
My sister, abeg told them o!
Nice post.
I appreciate your opinion but I do not subscribe to it.
Yes, Polygamy was a means to ensure that in societies where men were primarily responsible for providing for their families, women without men (widows, unmarries, whatever) were taken care of. It was also a statement of wealth; a man with many wives definitely had to be comfortable to care for them.
I think polygamy, infidelity, baby-mama-ing and baby-daddy-ing are statements of indiscipline and a lack of character. Men play around because they know no one will label them as immoral; aren't they men? They have a right to discard with one woman and replace with another. To men, women are commodities, to be had and un-had (if there is such a word) whenever it suits them.
As for the women, when you start to think of what society says, you are not going to go far. Why wear a dress that belongs to someone else and that they have rocked and pretend it is just as pretty as it would have been if new? You can go younger, older, whatever but please tell me how in 2008, polygamy serves agricultural reasons or protects you? Do you consider what your children have to go through, accessing their father from afar and on occasion?
I do agree, the west is quite hypocritical about their practices but I don't care about the west, I care about my people and I only see polygamy as a useless practice that serves the desires of men, condones the indisciplines of women and does no service to the children involved.
Long post...sorry. Happy New Year
@little miss me,
thanx babe,
am not advocating polygamy, i just want people to accept that, it's not only an african thing and that it had a purpose.
wishing u Happy new year..
@isi,
thanx babe,
which school? i no know book o. lol
am having a fab holiday, and u?
i wish u and urs a happy new 2008 filled with God blessings.
@desperate lady,
honey child!
the man must be suicidal o!
am not advocating polygamy, it has outlived it's purpose.
the truth is polygamy would be completely eradicated when women choose to eradicate it.
i feel u cos u are in the midst of it, i have been there sweetie,
guess who told my dad he needed a second wife cos my mum was too proud?(she refused to be a doormat)
his mum!(of course, my mum promptly left him)
regardless, i still love my dad very dearly. why? he never tried to hide the fact that marrying another wife was a huge mistake, and that he's the bigger loser in end. (he played his fatherly role perfectly despite the separation and to the chagrin of my mum)
here's to a happy new year 2008 luv.
@N.i.m.m.o,
thanx jare!
good to know am not alone in my madness o.
will visit u shortly
have a happy new year.
@Catty,
my lovely sista,
we're on the same side babe,
am not advocating polygamy at all o
all am saying is: even tho, it' no longer relevant for today it's a practice worth researching for it's fundamentals and we should not be quick to discard our cultural heritage to conform to the west's standards. they'
re just realizing it takes a village to raise a child in the twentieth century!
contrary to popular misconception, naija women were not deprived of their rights before the women right movememts. every ruling council had women representatives, every aspect of society included women, women were the gatekeepers of society,the ones who desired to work/trade did and successfully too. the fact was the king 's mother was the the most powerful person in the land and a woman always had the king's ear before any man(enough of the history lesson)
bottomline is, polygamy is still practised cos women allow it!
the moment we free ourselves of the mental slavery and realize we are the backbone of society and take our role seriously the world will be a better place.
men didn't make us commodities we did!(how? another topic for another day)
can u tell am very passionate about women issues?
btw,
i love ur mind, kinda reminds me of a younger version of myself.
did u say long post?
Happy new year!
@ Sherri: I am glad that my polygamy post encouraged another thought on the matter. I am all for discussing the issues that are relevant to us as a people and thank you for continuing the conversation because you and I know, that some people would rather not talk about such a touchy issue.
That being said, after reading all the responses that the post generated, the phone calls I received from certain bloggers on the issue and even a pep talk from my kind and loving mother, I am convinced that i have to revisit the issue and hammer out my final thoughts on the matter. They continue to evolve but only slightly.
Nonetheless, thanks for engaging in the issue and i will be sure to let you know when part 2 of the dangerous topic of polygamy is touched on at my blog. lol!
Thanks, my sista and I hope you are having a wonderful Holiday season. Happy New Year!!!!
(P.S., what is your email addy and/or could you email me - solomonsydelle(at)gmail(dot)com?)
Sherri the Shell club babe, your post on polygamy was well thought out and well written.
In my opinion, people bad-mouth this practice for different reasons. A major one being the Judeo-Christian heritage (and it doesn't matter what your religion is in this matter). They ignore the fact that all the partriarchs had more than one woman- Abraham, David, Jacob, Solomon...but prefer the more sedate approach of the new testament. "A Bishop shall be the husband of one woman" etc
I really don't care whether this is seen as advocacy for polygamy. Tradition and custom shouldn't be shot down for the wrong reasons. This is not female genital mutilation/female circumcision and shouldn't be placed in the same class as harmful practices. For those who don't like polygamy, see your dislike for what it is- an unwillingness to share. A legitimate position, but don't make the motives appear grander than they really are. And don't make those involved in it (the women particularly) appear as if they have no idea what they are in.
People in times past married severally- to take care of a dead brother's spouse and her children, to forge alliances for economic advancement, for physical survival, for the sake of affection and love. Therefore, you could have a man whose house was peopled by women for different reasons. I strongly object to imposing Western ideals on Africa. The West practices monogamy but still exchanges spouses and calls it 'swinging'? That would appear abominable to some but each practice will have its defenders.
Don't knock ours is what I say.
Catwalq says why wear a dress others have rocked- I've met a lot of women in my time and there are few women who at one time or the other have not seen an item of clothing, some jewelry, a pair of shoes on another woman-friend and not asked to rock it too. So much for that analogy.
Personally, I think a woman in the house is one too much because they are a 'strong breed', it takes grace to cope with even one.
But 'Esin kan o pe k'awa ma s'oro, awa o s'oro ile wa o'. (No religion/foreign custom should stand in the way of our traditions)
Happy New Year...
Phew!!! we made it!
So let's get out there and make a difference...Let's set the pace.
@solomonsydelle,
we're all in this together o my sista,
am a firm believer in meaningful discussion as a tool for imparting and acquiring knowledge.
looking forward to more dialogue on this issue.
u've got mail.. lol
@laspapi,
tani esinsin magbe bi o se elegbo?
just kidding!(just felt like dropping an owe)
thanks jare, we need to stem the erosion on our culture and heritage before we become an annex to the west, we're already the dumping ground for enough junk
lol@"Personally, I think a woman in the house is one too much because they are a 'strong breed', it takes grace to cope with even one."
that song!
i love it to no end!
it became encrypted in my mind the first time i heard prof Jimi Solanke sing it.
how u dey papi?
@miss opeke,
happy new year my lovely sista,
thank God for his mercies.
God willing, we will make a difference, we will do exploits for his kingdom.
we declare 2008 a year of fulfillments and possibilities
i totally agree...while I am not a supporter of polygamy, I dont subscribe to the hipocrisy of the western world concerning this issue..when they do even worse..divorcing like its going out of style..dont get me started
@zephi,
babe, whazuuup!
yes o,
if only divorce was the only issue!
the child abuse, child neglect, child molestation,incestuous relationships, spousal abuse among others are more perplexing.
A big muah for catwalq, i was coming back to give my final comment because i was too angry to leave a reasonable coment the last time, Lo and Behold Catwalq said it all.
I understand why Nimmo and other male bloggers will agree to this post but i dont and will never understand what the females understand here.
Hopefully y'all don't end up sharng your husbands with desperate people like me.
I'll be back again, i still can't get over ths post.
@dl,
such is the power of conditioning luv,
i still insist we need a good understanding of our culture and heritage in this day perhaps we will discover what ails us now.
divorce rate is at an all time high, even the married ones are not staying married cos they're happy.
we're becoming a society of lonely, miserable, and emotionally damaged people all because we can't get this marriage thing right.
personally, am deathly afraid to get married. u see, six months into our relationship mr my1 asked me to marry him, girl, i ran as fast as my legs could carry me! not the first time i've bolted in panic at the mention of marriage but the first time any dude has stuck around this long after being turned down.
the truth is, i'd rather remain single rather than be in an unsuccessful marriage.
as for sharing my husband, no right thinking man would even dream of marrying more than one wife in this day and age and if for some odd reason i marry a wrong thinking man who wants more than one wife he's got to be prepared to share me with my other husbands.lol
nb:u shod visit my other blog (about strong independent women)
Hmm, i shall be back.
coming in late here:
1. if ppl want to practice polygamy, good luck to them. is anyone being forced? so long as it's consenting. was it henry viii who had 6 wives?
2. that's probably why they call us okunrin meta, one woman is not enough (that's a joke b4 catwalq whacks me upside the head)
@ondlow,
awaiting ur return.
@jinta,
thanks jare, okunrin meta!(trying hard not to laugh)
sounds very much like what my yeye brother said to his american friends once
"u guys rule the world? u guys see a woman and u start to shake and devise ways to deceive ur wife, naija man see woman,no shaking,if she's any good he takes her home to meet his wife"
wow, from reading this, i suspect that you might be my sister who's started a blog without informing me. hehe. basically, you remind me of her, a woman of the world who knows what she wants and won't settle for less even if the world does. you go girl!
@theafrobeat,
broda!
am quite honored..
thanks
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